Unexpected Teachers: Discovering Emotional Intelligence in horses
Ever thought a horse could make you a better friend? Join me as I share how my wonderful four-legged companion taught me lessons in empathy, presence, and true friendship.
It was summer when it happened, and dandelions were scattered across the open pasture where about a dozen horses were grazing. But I do not remember seeing the dandelions that day because I had one mission: to dry my tears on the neck of my horse.
The obvious question is, didn’t I have any friends to talk to? I did have friends. But when it came down to it, my horse actually did a better job of drying my tears than they did.
I have never understood how, but horses have a way about them, an acute sensitivity and ability to read emotions. While they are unable to communicate vocally, they do communicate. Their breath is full of tenderness and their eyes exude warmth and empathy. And in the most inexplicable way, horses can make you feel understood.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but growing up with horses changed my perspective on friendship and relationships.
First of all, it caused me to ask questions. Like, how can a horse, which has no powers of speech, make someone feel seen, heard, and even understood? And why can’t friends make you feel the same? Were they just really poor listeners?
Moment of truth: “Either my horse set a very high bar, or the people around me were not exercising their full emotional potential.”
Which was it?
I decided that my emotional environment was the probably the culprit. And while I could not change people, what I could change was myself. Self-reflection revealed that I didn’t listen very well either; that I too was absorbed in my own thoughts and plans–unlike my horse who gave me her undivided attention. But what about the empathy and tenderness she gave so freely?
I was not for certain, but a big part of me believed that empathy came in the absence of selfishness, and in the ability to not only give oneself to another’s experience, but to feel it too.
I remember leaving the pasture that day feeling enlightened, and I definitely wasn’t crying anymore. But the best part? I learned what it truly meant to be a friend. No, I mean like…how to be a real friend.
So what does real friendship look like?
(from a horses perspective)
It looks like listening and being fully present. It looks like removing “you” from the equation, and just being there. It looks like sharing an experience in silence sometimes. It looks like a tender word, a reassuring look. Some things require more work than others, and I am still improving on the lessons my horse has taught me. But if a horse can exhibit emotional intelligence, then surely I can too, right?
I hope you enjoyed this article. Feel free to drop a comment in the box below!
An interesting read: Exploring Equine Intelligence
