5 things your parents never told you about overcoming fear
Nobody wants to have fear, but if we’re being honest, each of us have at least one thing that we’re afraid of. Two of the more universal fears is of looking stupid or fearing what others think. And if you think about it, these two fears are the predominate cause for many of the anxieties we feel.
If no one were around to judge us, our lives would probably look a lot different. Our achievements would also look different because our fear of failure wouldn’t be the same. We would try different things just because we enjoyed them, and when that big opportunity presented itself we would say yes, because why not?
Sometimes we say no to big opportunities because fear has made us feel paralyzed. And in the overwhelm of that feeling, we stand still and later have regrets. But on the other side of fear is not only freedom, but also: no regrets.
I didn’t realize how immobilizing my own fears could be until recently when the biggest opportunity of my career came floating into my inbox: an invite from a prestigious venue to perform my music before people of status, wealth, and opinion. I had been working for this moment my whole life, and there it was. At first, I was overwhelmed with excitement. But then the voice of fear started seeping in. What if I make a mistake? What if I can’t actually do this and I’m just an imposter? Can I measure up to everyone’s expectations?
These questions were enough to make anyone feel weak and dizzy. And the more I listened to those thoughts, the closer I was to saying no.
So what did I do?
I started asking myself questions: What is the worst that can happen? If I make a mistake, will I die? If I look stupid, is that really so bad? Whose opinions am I really afraid of?
Guess what happened?. I felt my fear start to slowly trickle away. And while it didn’t go away completely, it was no longer immobilizing. And you know what? I not only accepted the opportunity, but I channeled my remaining fear into practicing harder than ever until the last moment, and when that moment finally came, I proved all of my fears wrong.
Here is what I found out:
1. Our fears are generally irrational, deceptive, and are not rooted in fact.
2. If we allow it to, fear will define and limit us.
3. Fear doesn’t always have to be crippling. It can be a source of motivation to work harder and perfect your skills.
4. The biggest and most rewarding accomplishments come after having the courage to say no to fear.
5. Fear is there to remind us what matters. If it didn’t matter, we probably wouldn’t feel afraid.
The next time you feel fear slipping in, here are a few questions you can ask yourself:
“Will this kill me?” (a good one for performance anxiety)
What exactly am I afraid of?
What is the worst thing that can happen?
Will I be stronger because of this?
Thank you for reading, and I hope this article has been helpful. I would love to hear your comments in the box below! 🙂
